A Professional Whiner

Whine No. 96 -Minor Irritation...

2008-02-01T13:11:00.000Z

Blogs (and websites) that have a programmed feature that traps you on their page annoy the fuck outa me.

You check over the site... meh... boring... try to back-click out and ...nothing. You're screwed.

The only way out of it is to close the screen entirely.

If you found the blog/site while web hopping, you're doubly screwed because you will never ever find that rather interesting site that led you to the boring one again.

Popup windows that won't fucking close out piss me off even more.

Whine No. 97: A Touch of Troll

2008-01-14T18:14:00.000Z

Okay-dokey, this mega-whine is going to be short and sweet.
I hate...really hate... HATE, HATE, HATE, HAAAATTTTTEEEEEEE being the last commentor on a post.
It's like being the troll woman that scared off all the other kiddies from the playground.
Including the playground superintendent.

Was that last comment so unworthy that it forced everyone to move on?
Or maybe it was so stoopid it left everyone speechless.
Or perhaps it was so fecking brilliant that it left everyone speechless.
Point is... everyone is left speechless.

And the lone commentor, twiddling their thumbs, waiting for someone (anyone) to acknowledge and validate their cleverness is out in the cold, feeling like the 13th cat in the ninth litter - unloved and unnoticed.

What's really sucky is if you were the only one that bothered to comment and ya STILL fell into the black hole.
I think we need to start up a service of blog therapists. We could make a KILLING.

**Qualifier - I'm not referring to comments on a post several days or weeks old.**

Whine No. 98: Where I make up my own labels

2008-01-09T18:38:00.000Z

New seasons of really good tv shows just suck. Now while I'm an impatient sonofabitch and just download the entire season rather than wait for Star World to show it, I have to name a few shows in particular.

30 Rock.
Out of the nine episodes they've released so far, they're primarily bullshit. Alec Baldwin isn't being condescending enough, Tracy Morgan isn't kooky enough, and Tina Fey isn't insecure enough beyond the first episode. They're using way too many guest celebrities which just aren't bringing much meat into the show, and the dialog and scripting is just plain weak. Granted there have been a few excellent moments, such as when Gore tears off his jacket and runs to save a whale (akin to "I'm being totally serial, that's a manbearpig!" from southpark). Overall, the episodes have just seemed far too rushed and vegetarian.

Scrubs
The seventh season has yielded 6 episodes so far, due to the WGA strike, and they lack the flavor that I associate with the brilliant show that I've religiously watched for the last six seasons. John McGinley's too mellow, Zach Braff's been turning into a giant pussy all of season six, and Donald Faison's turning increasingly white. The janitor (Niel Flynn) is too nice, and Carla (Judy Reyes), when visible, suffers from a new form of PMS, Perpetual Menstrual Syndrome. One of the only truly good moments so far from season seven would be when Colin Hay pops out of Dr. Kim's womb. But one good moment in six episodes of scrubs does not an honest comedy make.

South Park
Trey Parker and Matt Stone haven't lived up to the mark with season 11. They changed Cartman's voice, which in itself alters the very fabric of South Park, and just like with 30 Rock, there's no actual meat to any of the episodes. Cartman's apple juice farts were classic, but they just didn't take the bigotry far enough. An entire episode about shit was truly the nail in season 11's stinky coffin. It was just disappointing.

How I met Your Mother
I just put this in here to justify my labels, there's nothing wrong with this show. Also, I have a lovely butt.

Whine No. 99: Delayed Whine

2008-01-07T11:22:00.000Z

I apologise for bringing the subject up now we'd all forgotten about it but I forgot that I was a Professional Whiner and had taken to whining on my own inconsequential blog. For the benefit of the whining community I therefore reproduce it here.

Right. I've had enough. From now on I will be campaigning to abolish Christmas unless there is a 95% chance of snow. Once again we have had to endure weeks of endless Winter Wonderland hype, building up to a day that was as dreary and forgettable as any other.

And, to rub salt into my crispy golden skin, the marketing Gods have persisted with this crap over the entire period in the full knowledge that we know it's all a hoax. Why they just can't be honest and say "Look – we need to shift some sofas. Perhaps you'd like a new one to cheer you up after a thoroughly shit festive season?" rather than creating some stupid-arsed penguin concept, which supposedly is some kind of alternative take on the whole lame, wintery myth.

Well, it's all shit.
Unfortunately this whine hasn't made me feel any better.

Whine No. 100: Whining about the Rez Crowd

2008-01-06T14:30:00.000Z

Hi there. I just got invited to whine here whenever I want.
I think Scritch has gone insane.
My MO has been to get KICKED off blogs, not get invited to contribute.
I'm not sure what to do with these warm fuzzy feeling I have right now.

Since Scritch stole my bitch about shopping (even though yesterday I DID get a to-die-for jacket for $35 instead of paying $140 for it) I'm going to whine about the Rez Crowd.

No, not my Peeps on the Rez. I'm talking about the New Year's Resolution Crowd.
The "Interfering with My Normally Scheduled Work Out" crowd.
They start converging on the gyms about three weeks before Christmas. Those are the optimistic "I really mean it and am going to start early this year" group. Bless their deluded black souls. Then we have the majority that hits the gyms starting January 2nd.
And keeps all the equipment and trainers and towels tied up until around February 1st.
It really begins to die back down to normal around Valentine's day.
The gyms love it. It keeps them in the black for most of the year.
The regulars hate it.
We have to either work around the Resolutionists, or hang loose until February.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to get back into a work out schedule after playing hookie for 6 weeks?
What about you? What New Year Resolutions make you crazy?

Whine No. 101

2008-01-05T18:19:00.000Z

101 Supremely Annoying & Whing-worthy Things

Fellow whiners, moaners and groaners: Lets get the ball rolling in the new year.

No more whining in a vague way about your laundry. Oh I had to do laundry today boo hoo so tired boo hoo. Fuck that no one cares.

Unless the machine accidentally clipped your finger in half, which then bled all over your whites ruining your fiancee's wedding dress, following which your cat then got trapped in the dryer. If you then go on to whine about the catering at kitty funerals now that would be a good whine.

So how about this fellow whiners?

We take it in turns to add to a list of a 101 things that annoy, enrage you daily, weekly, monthly or yearly. I resolve to whine much more frequently.

If we take it in turns this blog will be elevated from the dreary hum-drum level of whining it is at now.

Number 101 :

Xmas shopping. Its hardly a original whine.
People having been whining about his for generations, for eons.
But its a start to the 101 list at the very lest and one closest to home currently.

Buying Xmas gifts for loved ones...
You're always told by them:
"Oh I'm so easy to buy for there are so many things you could get me , as long as its not..."
clothes
jewelry
shoes
smellies
perfumes
soaps
candles
accessories
bags

Good grief. How can you win?

"Possibly buy me household goods, but only the ones that match my interior decor and make sure you decipher the code of my varied taste of course. Why can't you get it right? Why?? I buy you things don't I??"

Yes but I'm poor and very easily pleased. What can I say?

Which leads neatly me on to my next whine.

Oxford fucking Street. Fuck me. I just want to walk down the street ramming people around me with my elbows because I hate every single one of them.

Oxford street tube has a particularly evil trait during peak hours. Whenever you really really need the tube: Its been a long day at work, you're laden with packages, desperately want to go home, need a piss so badly you could happily let it drip down your leg and freeze there into a lovely yellow icicle...

The tube workers manage foot flow by shutting the gates and allowing only a thin trickle of people through to prevent over crowding. Yes yes its Health and Safety I get it, but still when you have a laptop, 3 gifts and have tramped up and down Regent and Oxford Street unsuccessfully looking for a size 3 shoe and then are forced to wait outside in the fucking cold until the gates open, its damn bloody annoying.

I hate Xmas shopping.

And then of course by Xmas day you've fucked it all up with your gifts that you bought mostly thinking about how fast you could get home and end up and feeling wretched about your rotten present which has been cast aside due to its heinous unsuitability.

And so just as the sales are in full swing off you have to trot back to return it all. What a fucking waste of time. I wish you could just boycott actual Xmas on the 25th and celebrate mid-sale. Nothing worse than seeing what you spent a fortune on at 75% off.

Sigh

Xmas

What a load of.....

OK thats 101 done so who's next?

2007-11-27T09:49:00.000Z

No one's fucking whining damnit.

Twin Rants

2007-09-14T12:48:00.000+01:00

I decided that this was such a whiny post it ought to go here, especially considering how the standard of whining has fallen of late tsk tsk tsk

I seem to have fallen into another phase of addiction but it is with great hope that as I type this, I feel almost sure that it will soon pass. I can sense boredom with my game setting in.

Although at one point like a true junkie, I found myself making excuses to get out of going out and meeting real people. Instead preferred to spend more time online building up my 'characters levels' and talking in stupid acronyms to 12-17 years olds.

True all my 'reality' friends were on holiday anyway but I'm still consciously and progressively neglecting the few I do have left.

On the other hand due to my diligence in clawing my way up the steep ladder of game levels my esteem has been raised in the eyes of other Dofus players.

But I have taken the time away to aggressively type out these two sequential rants because I'm so effing irritated with London.

You know, it was fucking bound to happen.

All you morons supporting the 'blanket' smoking ban have left the door wide open for any other kind of ban that supposedly 'improves' us and 'betters' society

[Bah humbug! At the same time they legalize 24/7 pub opening hours and gambling, no doubt being totally wasted as we stumble into a casino will better us immensely particularly in the wallet department]

They now want to ban any kind of alcohol in public because their cockeyed logic is that this will stop the pitter-pattering of little teens binge drinking and then smashing each others heads open.

Even more offensively they want to raise the fucking price of alcohol so that us regular Jane responsible punters have to pay for some twatted bunch of drunks who get lagered up! As if price will stop a determined student out on a bender? And we have to pay for this logicless shit??

Is everything remotely fun going to be banned one by one?

And another thing - These fucking shameless goddamn breeders shitting out kid left right and center actually have the nerve to complain about how they aren't being offered free fertility treatment by the NHS!

The NHS which in some boroughs refuses to pay for cancer treatment and is under funded, under staffed and generally swamped in all areas but all these fucking breeders can think about is how the blessedly barren aren't being offered fertility treatment.

ADOPT YOU SELFISH STUPID FUCK!

As if incapacity to squirt out children is some fucking life threatening illness even remotely comparable to cancer not to mention pregnancy being a completely voluntary process unlike a fucking terminal disease.

Why the fuck should the NHS [ergo the tax payers and yes, I pay tax] have to pay for what is in effect an entirely non-essential cosmetic treatment and clearly encourages over-population??

When not being able breed actively kills people or the world even runs out of humans [hah!!] would I ever be happy and willing to support fertility treatment.

Fucking hell. I really hate people.

Unfortunate

2007-09-02T09:24:00.000+01:00

There has been an accident.

My hair guy at affinity left, so I let another guy do my hair. I am now the first person in the world to say he cut off so MUCH that I look like a girl.

I am going to have to tie it for the next two months.

Though I still do look mighty sexy with it tied, since he did an excellent job trimming my goatee.

Can't decide who to blame

2007-07-29T20:28:00.000+01:00

Just got home from work, it's about...1 am, and sunday night... decided to play a little gta, was riding around on a motorcycle with some of my own santana playing on the 'mp3 player' radio station, and I get clipped by a car. When I get up, I can't find my motorcycle.

Bleah.

High Lord Whingey Returns

2007-07-16T06:15:00.000+01:00

I actually have something real to whine about.

Computers can be rented out. Really. I'm making some documentaries for an NGO, and they rented a computer for me. I specified dual screen configuration, and I mentioned two 17-19 inch, tft or crt monitors. He sent me two monitors, but no way to make them both work on the same computer. I also mentioned that the computer was necessary for video editing purposes. So now I sit here, waiting for the imbicile to send someone with either a new computer, or at least the graphics thingie that makes both monitors work on this one computer. Why are logistics so hard to get right? Why god, why?

2007-07-09T14:57:00.000+01:00

I have no idea what I did but I shall soon proceed to utterly delete this post out of its meaningless existence

as Socrates once said, "I title because I must."

2007-06-13T21:12:00.001+01:00

I feel the lack of me on this blog. I deplore it. Must I live in isolation? Must I live in solitude? Should I not, like the others, express my concern over my sorry state of affairs? Can I not join my fellow peers - those electronic souls who come from the far reaches of the galaxy - those who graze in harmony over here?

Actually, the sad fact is that I have nothing to whine about. My boring job keeps me on my toes; the bad weather kills any fight I have left in me when I step out of the office; and, post-vacation, my resultingly penniless state coaxes me to appreciate the joyous sound of my credit card being swiped by the person across the counter.

Clearly I have nothing to whine out. So all you losers may look and me and gloat.

maiden speech

2007-06-02T10:27:00.000+01:00

Thank you for inviting me to this house. I have been whining since birth although I like to think that I've now progressed to grumbling and ranting. Children whine and I can't stand whining children. Or children.

With two exceptions I have been located in Bedford for my entire life. Twat. Initially I lived in Dunstable for 18 months and have reasonable if totally impaired memories of it. And when I was 18 I moved into the grounds of a mental hospital, near Hitchin, for three years. I had no particular calling to help the mad, I just wanted an excuse to leave Bedford. They've since turned turned out all its residents, turned it into a housing complex for the aspiring posh and knocked the nurses home down where I lost my virginity to a desperate fat lass who thought I was gay.

Eventually I got sick of working there so I came back here. Twat. Anyway, for the last two years I have been commuting to London which I was told I would tire of very quickly. The only thing I have actually got tired of is fucking Bedford. Thank you.

Ennui

2007-05-26T11:33:00.001+01:00

Everybody else has something to write about except for me.

This is what happens when you live just so you can post in your blog.

Meh.

Primary whine

2007-03-11T12:05:00.000Z

So this is my first professional whine, a step into the harlotry... I shall hereby be referred to as High Lord Whingey... and I'm currently whining about the fact that I have absolutely nothing off the top of my head to whine about... Except maybe... When the hell do you press the clutch and when do you let go... it is my single most mind boggling concern at the moment...

No body loves me everybodyhatesmeguessI'llgoeatworms

2007-02-18T11:18:00.000Z

I have realised that

50% of all the comments on my other blog are made by myself.

This makes me very very sad.

It brings tears to my eyes and I often cry when I think about it.

Hail Google!

2007-02-14T13:29:00.000Z

Well I was finally frog marched into then new blogger system by the blogger bastard cunts.

As expected it caused no end of problems.

My twin accounts, solely so my parents don't find me were merged into one profile by this stupid google mail thing. Much as I love gmail I really resent being forced to change something that suited me perfectly well in the first place.

Fucking cunts.

Anyway hopefully now everyone should be able to post.

Confession of a sinning complainer

2007-01-23T18:45:00.000Z

I must confess I haven't been as true to the professional whiners as I once claimed to be.

Yes its true, I've cheated.

I've been whining somewhere else.

But that didn't mean anything, I promise. It never felt like the whining I've done here. I was thinking about the professional whiner blog the whole time.

Really.

I shall whine here much more frequently and with even more bile than before.

Mother swear.

Brrrrrrr

2007-01-23T18:34:00.000Z

The cold is something we can all universally relate to.

Therefore I can confidently go on to state that, the current temperature in my flat is 15 degrees.

I'm wearing doubles of everything.

Double layers of socks, a t shirt, a sweater, another sweater, shoes leg warmers.

I'm considering a jacket because I might as well be outside for all the fucking warmth there is in here.

I slept fully dressed last night and I was still freezing. Tonight I'm wearing a jacket to bed. That way I just get up, brush my teeth, comb my hair and am off for college.

Mexico Mexico Ra Ra Ra!

2007-01-23T12:07:00.000Z

(I just posted this on my blog, but I thought I should also post it here, since it's nothing but a whine! Cheers to all my fellow professional whiners!)

A country is most of the times an imagined construct. I often wonder if there are any specificities about the word “Mexico”, if its people suffer from some kind of special psychosocial pathology, if we are more deluded than others. It’s hard to be optimistic about the future after talking to most of the very lucky Mexicans studying abroad. I worry about the possibilities of not replicating power structures, mafias, prejudices, ineffectual ways of thinking. I worry about the impossibility, sometimes, to agree on something simple, to agree on something common that could be called “reality”. Mexico is never Mexico. While here, I would advocate for never forgetting where we come from, (on a related note, please read Adela’s post) but the problem is that the word where cannot always be agreed on. Where never means the same, even when the city has the same name and even when the post code is the same. This makes the possibilities for social policies and development really hard, because there is no agreement on what should be done because there is no agreement on what the problems are, let alone what should be solved or how.

[Beware: highly-specific rant follows!] Last night, a highly-intoxicated Mexican student at the London School of Economics argued loudly about the “shittiness” of London transport and how “peseros” (public minibuses in Mexico City) were “better”. His argument was that you could take a pesero anywhere and anytime whereas here you had to wait for them at specific times and places and were very expensive. The only positive side he saw in London buses was that they were “beautiful”. I tried to explain how peseros in Mexico defied every possible law of physics and human decency and how the only reason why you could always take a pesero anytime -and this is not completeley true either, and I may be wrong, but I’m almost sure that he is not someone that takes peseros everyday back home, but then again that’s a sociological aspect that I did not mention in the conversation in order to avoid violence- was because there were no regulations whatsoever. I’ve seen this replicate again and again in conversations with Mexicans abroad: they complain about order, about the following of specific rules, and cannot agree on the need for a cultural paradigm shift where we Mexicans learn to create intelligent, fair and effective laws, respect them and to behave accordingly. “We” oppose order, organization, scheduling and well-structured systems like rabid dogs at the thought of water. Who on earth, I would ask, could think that the infamous peseros are better than London buses? Who who has eyes to see and backs and necks to bend and a body to perish cannot see the inhuman quality of the Mexico City transport? And why would someone who doesn’t really take peseros back home would so ferociously prefer them to London buses? Why would someone who almost never takes the Mexico City metro say that “it is the best underground transport system of the world?” This kind of faux populism unnerves me and makes me sick. I won’t even go into how he rabidly questioned a friend on why she had been travelling to the English countryside. His argument was that Mexico had beautiful forests and jungles and that the English countryside paled in comparison and therefore it made no sense to him going there. I swear. All this while he had his zillionth Stella at this late-licence Soho bar. [End of highly-specific rant].

It is really sad and it always disturbs me deeply. And suddenly we come across each other, abroad, wearing (Winter) clothes that we would never wear back in the country where we were born, drinking a liquid non-existent where we lived most of our lives, sometimes even speaking a language which is not spoken under our parents’ roofs, studying at elite higher education institutions, sponsored by governments, studying stuff that should do the world some degree of good. But we can’t agree on the bare essentials, we can’t agree on where we come from. If we can’t agree on that, how will the leaders of the future -because many of these guys studying here will go back to be decision-makers over there- decide where should we go and how should we do it?

My Horrible Laundrette

2007-01-16T17:47:00.000Z

I HATE, with all my heart, doing the laundry! Takes too much time, I always spend more money than I should, things never dry completely or you have to be taking care all the time of them not shrinking and becoming useless, it's a nightmare...

I HATE DOING LAUNDRY!

Shameless Whining

2007-01-15T19:05:00.000Z

This is shameless self promotion, but I just happen to whine a lot here.

Be warned: proceed at your own risk, it's lengthy and exasperating. Whiners are like that.

HATE

2006-12-29T22:27:00.000Z

i hate the cab drivers outside Kamala Mills
i hate their broken shitty sickening agarbatti air
and their tripple mirrors to check out your boobs and the such
(i've seen some with poles in the middle...AS IF someone is actually going to fucking do a pole dance for a cabbie)
AND i hate, HATE, hate their bhenchod bloody insolent behaviour, the cabbies, that is
They don't even bother to stop and tell you that they won't motherfucking take you to elphinstone road fucking station, or fucking vashi or bandra or wherever the fuck

and i hate men
many of them are little girls inside

and i hate the human race
its wasting its own bloody time

i also hate janine and leo sitting and repeating everything they write about on their blogs, including comments they leave each other, in person. but i don't hate that as much as i hate the above. infact, not even in the same degree. and i really love them. both. janine and leo, that is.

man i am so pissed. pissed drunk. good wine. good whine.

A Whine About Time

2006-12-27T13:25:00.000Z

I have managed to find something to whine about. It's here.

That Armchair Philosopher cribs and moans about god alone knows what

2006-12-26T18:52:00.000Z

Whine. Whine. Whine. I want to whine about American cars today. You know how you suddenly, in the middle of nowhere at some random time of the day, realize that you've just had an epiphany and the world makes sense.. sort of?

Yes. This is one of those. And what does that lead me to?

The fact that I *FUCKING HATE AMERICAN CARS*.

Why? Let me recount some experiences. So I'm on a christmas weekend trip to the sunny beaches of San Diego, and of course, I rent a car since I don't want to subject my trusty horse to extreme speeds and ocean spray. And what do most american rental agencies give you? Fords, GMs, and Chevys. If there ever was a food chain for
automobiles, these would be the scrapings of the hulls of ships which are consumed by plankton that abound in the oceans.

Yes. The lowest of the lowliest.

But I ramble. So I rent this Pontiac mid size SUV which is a GM vehicle. Looks nice, great mileage, et al. Start off all nice and cheery, into the oceans blue and the rest of it. Well, it handles decently, but has cramped seating, and no arm rests or other minor conveniences which you take for granted in german and japanese cars. Oh well, we'll manage I think. First night, the car gets towed by the Police because we'd accidentally parked it in a spot reserved for a certain customer-only section for a diner we didn't visit. 300 USD down the drain. Well, things can't get much worse right?

Thats what we thought.

Half way into the second day, and I smell burning rubber - looking back I see smoke rising from the tires. Stop. Inspect. Call breakdown services. Return car. Day 1 wasted. More importantly, the new car is a Ford Taurus.

Is that bad? Sigh. There's no hand brake. Instead, there's a foot pedal where the clutch is on manual gear cars. Which gets in the way when driving, resulting in a brake suddenly activated when on a freeway if you're not careful. The screen wiper switch is a BUTTON on the edge of the turning signal lever, which means that every time you flip the signal, there's a 1 in 4 chance of the wipers switching on.

The turning radius of this car is worse than a pregnant elephant trying playing twister in a paddy field. Much Worse.

Taking a curve at high speed, the suspension almost gave way and I did what I could to make sure I didn't career off into the blue waters I so gladly wanted to take a dip in.. without my clothes and a 2 ton metal vehicle of course. The radio sucked. The gear was behind the steering wheel, which meant I couldn't see the speedometer when the gear was in one of 3 positions. ARGH.

Is that enough for you already? No? Here's the piece de resistance.

It had *fake leather* seats.

Whining about whining.

2006-12-16T12:28:00.000Z

I'd just like to whine about how people these days don't really appreciate whining as much as they should.

Whiners don't get the credit or the unnecessary sympathy that they deserve.

In fact people often seem to disguise their whining or pretend they don't actively enjoy it. They like to say that they're stoic, stiff upper lip and all that.

But they're just all in the closet I say.

Bigmouth Strikes Again

2006-12-10T20:26:00.000Z

It drives me crazy. I can stand some musical ignorance.

But how can people live in England, in bloody London for chrisssssakesss and NOT know who The Smiths were?

How can you have lived in London and HAVEN'T EVER listened to them?

Jet Airways

2006-12-09T23:25:00.000Z

Jet Airways are wanks.

Jet Airways are bastards.

Jet screwed me, those fucks.

They erroneously sent me a message that was only meant for business class people, saying the flight was delayed, so that you could check in later rather than 6 hrs before the flight.

Unfortunately the Economy cattle class peasants are allowed no such privilege even though it was entirely THEIR fucking message that got me screwed in the first place.

AND there was no one ever there to help from Jet. I was sent from one counter to another to another round and round and round, even though they could have just checked me in until an HOUR before the plane took off [it was THREE hours delayed].

That fucking text message. What really pissed me off was the duty managed telling me that it must have been because I [CAPITAL I] must have been really, really late and I should have checked in by 11:00am. Seriously, I replied, I have been here since 9:20am if that was the case I wouldn't even be here right now. If YOU hadn't sent me that text I wouldn't have missed my plane. Not that he cared really. But I coaxed him to shell out for the cab.

Fucking Jet. Never listen to anything in a text thats my lesson for today. Anyway I'm too tired to whine more exhaustively. I've been whining about this for the last 24 hrs non-stop. I'm almost all whined out.

Whoever this guy was that finally got me on this flight is my new hero. I love him. I will worship him

For a week anyway, I'm fairly fickle that way.

I'm exhausted but now I can't sleep.

hello baby, whats ur sunshine !?

2006-12-04T06:05:00.000Z

Another date. Another experience. I think there should be an assessment of the men who choose to sign up to these fuckin virtual sites .

Do u speak coherent English !? Yes/No dear.
Is your sense of dressing disgustingly atrocious !? No/Please kill me !!!!
Are you the male version of Rakhi Sawant !?!? No/Castarate me please
Do you use dear/baby/sweetie ever !? No/Means?!

I am FUCKIN sick and tired of meeting sad arse men. Extracts for a coffee meet last night ..

Hi, I am a model and I hang out with my model friends. No, I dont drink coffee in the night, cuffeene [caffine] keeps me awoke. So baby, whats your sunshine [star sign] !?! Yes, I go too geebee parties because I have done my modelling no. Oh baby, we should hang out sometime and he rubbed his -barf- chest.

and the so-called-model in question - was a 5 feet 7 incher who seemingly worked out as if his life depended on it, had fat sucked out of jay lalita's ass and tucked into his lips and sported tresse's like abdul kalam which could do with some serious conditioning. he wore a PINK. a PINK. a PINK. FOR FUCKSSAKE A PINK body hugging abercrombie tee. and ofcourse, he had the grunge look. I mean which self respecting-baby-calling-faggot-who-claims-to-a-model wouldnt wanna look cool , now !?!

BARF
PUKE
YUCK

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak !!!
- sigh -

The Armchair Philosopher Whines Galore

2006-11-30T09:24:00.000Z

I HATE BLOGGER BETA TOO. And rest assured, something is being done about this stupid bug.

ok, now for the whine.

Why electronic writings are bad for history

The ubiquity of email today probably reflects what the postal system was in times gone by. In fact, even a decade ago, letters were an integral part of human communication. Inland cards, postcards, envelopes and whatnot. But hark back half a century, and you come to thick parchment style sheets written on using quills in that spidery, yet flowery handwriting which everyone always adores. Veritably, history itself has sometimes been made or broken on these sheets of paper - from the execution of Mary, Queen of Scots to the World Wars and even the cold war with its secret inks. If you ever read a historical account, and follow up references to the information being used, a large number always turn out to be journal entries and letters. Sheaves and sheaves of correspondence bunched together with leather thongs and kept in trunks which were often musty smelling. Treasure troves of information which survive millenia if need be - think of the dead sea scrolls - and are easily found. Of course, the same can't always be said of deciphering them, but the proceedings definitely become easier when the information is literally staring at you in the face.

But what of the new generations? All our content today resides on electronic mediums - be it blogspot, typepad, yahoo mail, gmail or google documents. Even the good old word document is after all an electronic entity, and in the large scale of things, nothing but a few magnetized atoms on a metallic disk deep in the bowels of a machine which is strongly susceptible to failure with the slightest provocation. Sure, its easier to compose matter here. Instant collaboration and publishing. But what happens a century down the line? With technology leaping forward at the pace it is presently, any means of storage we have today are outdated in a decade, let alone millenia. Assuming history is being rewritten as the future on these forms, can someone in a decade confidently state that their intellectual property and communications will be stored for posterity?

And technical limitations aren't even the tip of the iceberg. So you make backups, and someone makes big money transferring all this data to incrementally better storage forms at given intervals of time. But isn't it too much work? What happens if Google or Yahoo suddenly decide to go bankrupt? Their data servers are in a fire? A war hits the world? Sure, things do get lost as a result of such wide scale disasters, but electronic information suffers from the disadvantage of never being found if the right sources or means are not available. What if there is no power generation happening after an all out war? What if people have forgotten about the device which once existed, known as the personal computer, which was used by billions to store information? Its not like you can go bury a hard disk in a sealed box and hope people recognize it for what it is, even if the world has gone back to savagery. After all, today's disk looks nothing like the ones 20 years ago, and sure as hell won't look like anything we can imagine today.

So is this a bad thing? Should we make sure that most of our intellectual output or communications are recorded for posterity in a way which is accessible to the public? After all, if someone in 50 years wants to write a history of the earth as it was in 2006, they would hardly go back and look at blogspot would they? And even if they did, the mode of anonymity provided to me through it would let no one know who the original authors or contributors were. I can visualize a letter from the Viceroy of India to the British Queen being stored in an archive.. but an electronic exchange between her and the President? I think not. and that's a pity.

An Ode to Exams

2006-11-29T05:51:00.000Z

I fucking hate exams.

I hate studying for them.
I hate people who start studying for them 1 month in advance.
I hate that my Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 6 has downloaded but I CAN'T watch it coz I have to fucking study.
I hate writing essays.
I hate that I have to write at least 2 bloody essays for every fucking module (Thats 10 essays, a lot of ink and a lot of writing that starts off nice but ends up looking like my pen had diarrhea.)
I hate hearing a 'crick' when I bend my wrist after writing essays for 2 hours.
I hate that the examination hall is warm when I bring my jacket.
I hate that the examination hall is cold when I forget to bring my jacket.
I hate how some people finish early but pretend to have SOOO much to check and recheck and re-recheck - LEAVE DAMMIT! That's 40 minutes of your life you've wasted just sitting and pretending to look smart. What will you save? 2 marks?
I hate how invigilators walk around so much. It's distracting and I can't cheat, dammit.
I hate stinky invigilators.
I hate how today was my first exam but for my friend- his last. Fucker.

Gaaaaah.

I fucking hate exams.

Yours Fucking Hatingly,
Mahima

Call for Complainers Public Notice

2006-11-27T12:50:00.001Z

Dear Whiners,

If you have sold your immortal souls to the evil developers of eblogger and are now a beta whore,
but yet wish to whine with us old blogger humans, then please post any gripes in a comment section and I, such a devoted and dedicated professional complainer, will post it for you.

Yours Woefully,
Scritch

Professional Whine About Sainsbury's on Sundays

2006-11-26T17:01:00.000Z

I hate Sainsbury's on Sundays. They close earlier and everyone decides to go at the same time, including me, of course, because I'm a professional procrastinator. I do like grocery shopping, actually, but as soon as I get there I just get overwhelmed and do everything fast and in a bad mood, so I end up buying stuff I really don't want or spending more than what I can really afford per week or buying more than what I will actually eat so in the end it's stuff that will go bad before I remember it's even there.

And then I discovered Planet Organic and I wish I could afford to buy everything there. And then I get all political and I start thinking they are worse than Sainsbury's because they make so much money with stuff that is actually very cheap or very easily-available in countries like the one I come from originally. Like, paying almost five quid for horchata, is just ridiculous, or those overinflated prices for just a tiny weeny bit of organic coffee from Chiapas enrages me. But I have to say that I love Planet Organic but I can't go on about it too much because this is a place where people whine. And I should be working, anyways, not whining.

Have I already told you how much I hate Sainsbury's on Sundays?

Anonymous said...[Charris Jason Charralambos Louca the Third]

2006-11-24T12:51:00.001Z

This is a very small whine but yet one I feel that has to be made. I like many others, is an avid follower of the Christian church. And I feel (also like many others) that in todays society, religion has effectively losts it's relevance in a world of mobile phones, computers, aeroplanes and vibrating sexual toys.
But believe me, this is not the case anymore.
Now i know there is this certain 'rolling of the eyes' when religion is mentioned, and that the christian church is stuck with this terrible stigmatism as an institution of 'fat guys just hanging around, molesting the choir boys and stealing from the church collection plate', but were not only just about that. Were also about spreading the word of a certain carpenter's son who came back to life: Now pinnochio did have some relevant things say, but its the 'other' carpenters son (jesus) that im talking about.
We feel (I feel), that jesus hasn't quite got the kudos he deserves from todays society, even though his influence is everywhere to be seen.
If it wasn't for christ we wouldn't have great magicians like david blaine or paul daniels trying to emulate his own conjurings of the past (And still no one has yet perfected that 'walking on water' ruse) also jesus 'used to play' to a live open air audience for free!, you can't get that kind of entertainment/service nowadays)
Also another influence of christ can be seen in one of his other incarnate's today; Sir Bob Geldoff. Now jesus was championing the cause of the poor way before geldoff, and he did without the help of live aid. And i dont think that concert's going to be remembered 2'000 years from now, do you? (well maybe U2's performance, but little else)
And lastly jesus' greatest gift to us all (and no its not his everlasting love and friendship), his fashion sense. He made long hair, beards and cheap quality sandals the height of vogue for hippies and art students alike (And his liking for being a pacifist has also rubbed of on these people).
So you see, christ has even greater relevance today, than he did all those years ago. Even though since the cross was cast in 'bling' and thrown around the neck of the new messiah (david beckham)his popularity has never greater.
And at the end of the day you may 'have a friend in jesus', but you also have a great entertainer,campaigner, style guru and general all round good guy.

A True Pro

2006-11-23T14:48:00.000Z

This guy is called William Sled, and this video [I thought] was hilarious.

I was cribing about this somewhere else and decided no, it should go here.

2006-11-22T15:05:00.000Z

I feel like adding my two bits about this debate. [BBC news link above]

The whole veil thing does annoy me extremely.

Honestly, I don't care if they wear it, they don't wear it. If they choose to be oppressed or not. Thats entirely their business. Jack Straw's remarks has just made wearing it more of a political statement than anything else.

I think there is a huge difference between a head scarf and the complete veil. [they wanted to ban head scarves] Covering your head- super, I don't care at all. Its like a hat, and who fucking cares about a hat?

But covering the entire face does seem [to me] very dubious and somehow sinister. How do you judge someone who's completely covered up in a tent? [Trojan horse even]

But what deeply irritates me the most [and thats saying a lot] is that some [not all] seem to think it's acceptable to push this issue into every sphere of life, forcing it on anyone regardless of their personal views.

Prime example: that [idiot] girl who insisted on teaching english to 10 year olds with her face completely covered up. No one was stopping her wearing it anywhere else, the school corridor, the canteen, the teachers lounge whatever.

But how can you trust someone wearing a mask? Or even something as simple as gauge their expression, the way they form their words if you cant see their face or mouth? Especially if english isn't even your first language?

So of course she got fired, the children complained they didn't understand her. So then she decided what the hell I'll waste the tax payers money and go to court. She LOST and now is appealing in the EU court. More tax payers money.

Just plain attention seeking.
Really really irritates me.

If my tutor wore a mask to class everyday I wouldn't even bother coming in.

Another point: I don't think I could ever be friends with someone who's face I couldn't see. Its just a question of trust.
You don't trust me to even let me see your face, I can't trust you either. I can't even tell if you're smiling or scowling.

So thats my two bits do with it as you please.

Guilt Ridden Blues

2006-11-22T13:03:00.000Z

I'd just like to say as a parting shot, that blogger is such a colossal distraction that I've done NO WORK ALL MORNING.

Lex's rant in musical form

2006-11-22T12:53:00.000Z

Scritch says: Nice dude. Very nice

The gears were finally moving

2006-11-22T11:22:00.000Z

I finally recalled what I wanted to crib about: It took me all morning but my shoddy brain finally clanked and creaked and got working [to a degree]

Commuter etiquette:

I personally think it is poor train/tube etiquette to talk to people.
The last thing I want to do while commuting is have a conversation. I WANT to listen to my ipod or I WANT to read my fucking book leave me alone and annoy someone else.

I think this is a very debatable whine and ought to be bashed about on aprofessionalwhiner.blog

Secondly: Pro veggie, non-smokers shoving all their good intentions and clean living in your face and trying to get you to stop all your vices:

"Yes, I WANT to die a slow and painful death from smoking. It's MY fucking CHOICE so leave me alone you goddamn tofu eating veggie health freak."

Thirdly: Blanket bans

They really really really annoy me. The blanket ban on smoking? The only reason is that if the pubs had the option of banning smokers or not, it would be most likely that all the non-smoking pubs would get far less business.

Because if you've culled one vice, you're bound to eventually think "Oh well drinking really is so bad for me too, I'll just have a lemonade please. Ooo isn't that lovely, I feel so sober and healthy I really ought to go home, do my tax returns and feed the children"

They will also probably be dull as fuck [they are already], driving all the interesting vice ridden people around them to go to a friendlier more vice tolerant pubs. Ergo non smoking pubs = less business [including people drinking less] = less money = change back to smoking = yay

In conclusion:
People who are vegetarian, eat tofu, don't drink, don't smoke and try and talk to you on a commute ought to have their own separate pubs and be generally isolated from the rest of the population

I really don't know why Foz thinks I'm angry.

'B' is for bastard, bugs, bhenchod [and bugenhagen]

2006-11-22T10:51:00.000Z

I would like to make a very very very long complaint about this so called 'beta' blogger. Which isn't better at all. In fact its a piece of shit.

YOU FUCKING PEOPLE STOP JOINING BETA THAT GODAMN SHIT.

Why do people feel the need, this strange compulsion to join anything just because someone tells you to?
"Ooh its new lookie lookie all shiny!" or perhaps blogger says "Well it has to be 'beta' because we made it" so you join?????

I have a deep deep distrust of any kind of change, especially when it really changes nothing except makes things slightly more inconvenient for everybody.

Other than that, I just have a deep distrust of anything.

Foz, my tutor, thinks I'm a very angry woman. He's got me all wrong. I'm not angry in general, there just happen to be a few things that annoy me and I actively enjoy ranting about.

However 'beta' is not one of them. I hope the developers who helped created beta wake up one morning to find all their genitals rotten and turning green. Fucking beta bastards

The Egghead mumbles a lot and ignores punctuation. Well Done!

2006-11-22T10:43:00.000Z

were I to have something whine-worthy I would have lovingly elocuted myself in well articulated and grandiose grammar for once when I was a little boy my mother told me as she fiddled with the door knob at the back side of my room door that was almost always shut due to the backdraft of hot air that blew into my window thanks to the thoughtless positioning of my neighbour's wrought iron water pump which would just go on and on and on until the cows came home by climbing up the winding staircase polished in plentiful with varnish, lacquer and love consequently making it a mish-mash of old versus new world furniture covered in dung thanks to the cow's enthused release of organic trash setting the mood to an earthly sorry-I-am-a-cow-I-have-no-control-over-my-rectum-but-I-would-like-to-watch-winterbottom's-new-film-while-we're-at-it-since-it-contains-titties-and-bollocks a standard fare for us bovine blessings of milk but you can say udders and bull-testes if you please but we'd only come when the neighbour's water pump started every month unfortunately the stupid kid next door seemed to have an issue with the hot air it generated and left his room door mostly closed bringing his mother up screaming incessantly how he should always well verse his whines in case the occasion called for it while she proceeded to fiddle with his door knob desperately.

That Armchair Philosopher said...
Aren't you the guy who invented those new fangled spam messages i get all the time? something of the form:

arcade games could be fulfilled by simply sitting in front of is a process of creativity and satisfaction of discovering new Robo-dogs and Robo-cats that responds to human voices a companion
enlargement and slow motion begin to reveal aspects and images of Jim: Yes, we've established that. Ah! Do you have a request?
for land and space. May be the environment can be saved from lifestyle in the lives of those with special needs. For the
conservatives. There must be an interest in developing both all utterances not made according to the rules of its own linear Multinational companies are now known as Global companies.This ...

Me cago en Dios!!!!!!!!

2006-11-22T01:07:00.000Z

i cant belive i actually manage to get here!!!!!! yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!! after several attempts and a text to my blogger whore mate (u know who u are) im finally typing here, just like a porfessional writer hahahha...., ( im not a writer but a great moaner)
so first thing today to moan about.... mmmmm.......not really the first, i've been talking about this topic all afternoon in the pub. anyway
1.-Athea? ( is the spelling correct? fuck it who cares) can't stand this poor bastard, he ruined my day (sort of), just asking me a really simple quiestion (can't remember what he asked me), but u know, when u dont like somone u just cant help it. His presence pisses me off badly.
I am also starting to be worried about my dearest calassmates and myself, we keep talking about him every single time we are in the pub, what the fuck man is he becoming so immporant in my life that i just cant stop talking about him? May be im in love with him..... secretly ( im sure i am)
2.- The stupid goon from photography (very good looking guy) told me i was not allowed to go in the studio to do my projections, even though i booked the damn room a week ago!!! The problem there was that i was carrying my porjector, computer and clothing. It does not sound heavy but im a very small little girl that all of this things together take all my strenght. Plus the stress for the presentation.
3.-Alex ( spoil little brat who pretends to be a "lumpen") and C behaved like little teenage twats, leaving the fucking class ( to go to the pub) when i asked them to stay for a chat with the group about the fucking exhibition we are gonna have soon (i hope it happens), By the way this gallery was very hard to get (sort of) i spent lots of my precious time calling, arranging and bla bla bla instead of doing my own college work (pub)
4.-Getting in the tube at 12 at night (hate the tube i hardly ever take it) after eating a disgusting burgger in Mcshit (kept me burping onion all the way back home). I had to be the lucky one gettin in the carriage ( or whatever u call it) that is full of fucuking "emos" cant stand them either, what is that all about, greasy hair, skiny trousers ( not for u mate, thats for girls), listenig to new wanna be punk music ......hahah that would be green day ( hate green day too)
I actually have shit loads of things to moan about, but....
1. i cant be arsed
2 .my computer's battery is running out,
3. i hhhhhhhhhate writing,
4. is 2:00am and i have to be at college tomorrow early morning (12 noon) for my photoshoot (si dios quiere) unless Dan tells me the studio is booked again!
good night

My German Weirdo Flatmate

2006-11-21T22:15:00.000Z

Let it be said from the beginning: one of my best mates ever is German. We weren't flatmates but he lived next door to me in Norwich. He is the most respectful yet funny person ever. A great bloke, I love him.

But not all German blokes are like my friend Ed. Oh, no. There's this German weirdo who is my flatmate now and sleeps next door. I think he also plays video games in there. We never see him, and when we see him he's always in his pijamas. He barely speaks English and ignores all possible rules of courtesy. Well, I thought, he is not very social, but at least we never get to see him. That can only be a good thing when you share a flat with four other people.

Even though I've actually seen him eat frozen pizzas from Sainsbury's, he does not seem to eat much because he is almost never at the kitchen at times when people are likely to get hungry (like, breakfast-lunchtime-dinner time or midnight for munchies or after the pub) and he never keeps any food at all in the fridge. Not even beer. He is really weird.

The other day, like two weeks ago, I saw him at the gym. He just sat in one of those medicine balls and bounced around. I tried to talk to him but he did not reply back at all. Not a single word. He just sat there and stared. Weird. I've never seen him at the gym again.

I've seen him walking to uni. At first I would say hello, or smile, but he would just stare straight ahead. The bastard. He would wear death metal bands t-shirts, and since he has long hair (always in a ponytail) I thought well, he must be one of those new post-post-new-wave-goth-death-metal antisocial types who kill priests and burn churches somewhere in the Bavarian mountains.

But lately, he's been into the crappiest, corniest eurotrash dance music. Not good techno from Tresor or electronica from Mute. No. Not even UK garage or gabba, but, like, early nineties dance music with diva vocals. And he listens to it loud. What kind of person can actually wear like, "Bloody Satanic Vomit" tees and listen to such music without feeling guilty?

So I'm doomed to listening to my music wearing headphones all the time, because My German Weirdo Flatmate's pounding eurodance makes my ears bleed.

Not even the heaviest grindcore can hurt your ears in such a gory way. Believe me.

CCJL cribs about his defeat

2006-11-20T20:04:00.000Z

The other day (i forget which)whlist in a pub I was 'invited' (I use this term loosely)to partake of a meal in a restaurant with two other friends. I agreed to go only if i could 'pick up the bill'as it would be the courteous thing for me to do. This comment was followed by the 'air turning blue' with a foul-mouthed tirade directed against me; "You fuckin macho asshole, how dare you offer to pay, your so up your own ass tryin to show off by paying....(and so on)" I was shocked to say the least, that these too seemingly nice girls had turned so hostile towards me. I tried to explain (as politely as possible) that it was a rarity for me to pay for them, and it would be nice if this time that they would let me do so. And to make things even 'smoother' i suggested that "if we ever went out again that they could pay then". (providing i didn't offer to do so first)Well this comment did not help much either, as the rant proceeded to continue, "No, thats really rude of you to say that, (why?, i dont know) I cant believe you said that you peasant! if you offer to pay your not fuckin coming!" After being shouted at for two whole hours by these two girls i relented, but i still harboured hopes that i could sneekily pay whilst there backs were turned at the restaurant. Well as you can guess that did not manage to happen, after consuming a pleasant tasting meal, the waiter approached with the bill, and was about to give it to me, when all of sudden a hand shot out from one of the two i was dining with and swiped the bill from him exclaiming "He's not paying!". The whole restaurant then proceeded to turn and look at me with absolute disgust. I tried to avert my gaze from those staring at me, but their eyes were burning into my very soul, and they seemed to be saying in unison "How can that greek boy with spikey hair not pay for their dinner,not only is he a peasant, he's a fuckin asshole too!!". I left in tears as my manhood had been ripped away me infront of so many onlookers.

I believe that there may well lie a moral behind this sad tale. And i think it is :Never be nice or kind to those you like, never offer to pay for them, cos they will simply hate you more for it.

Of Shower Rooms and PC Worlds

2006-11-20T15:17:00.000Z

I hate my shower room. I'm just glad I'm not obese or too tall, because otherwise there's no way I could live here. It's like, a politically incorrect shower room: no one exceeding standard physical proportions (whatever that means, anyways) can fin in there. First, my "shaving light" died on me like the first two days I moved in here. (Something else I want to whine about is the stupid electric sockets they have on "shaving lights" here: why can't they be like, normal electric things so one can plug in normal applicances? who on earth actually uses electric shavers with those plugs if not Japanese businessmen flying around the world for two-hour meetings?). Then, my shower room started to flood. Then it started stinking. This morning I had to clean the drainer and it was the most disgusting thing ever. It was as if a whole year of horror-movie Japanese long black hair had been stuck there. The stench was so horrible I just couldn't have breakfast afterwards. At least I can take a shower now without the whole micro-shower room getting flooded, but still the size of it makes me crazy, I can't even move and I keep hitting myself when I try to raise my hands. And the toilet is so bloody close to the basin you have to be sitting like, twisting to your left, otherwise your nose is all over the white thing. I just hate the stupid shower-room. Sometimes I just forget about it and I rather take a shower at the gym.

---

And on Saturday I finally decided I should go and buy that laptop case so I could finally take my beautiful MacBook Pro out without feeling guilty or afraid I would hit it with something. They only came in two sizes, 14" and 15.4". I did not have my laptop with me PRECISELY because I don't want to take it out without proper protection. So my Macbook is 15". I ask the guy, "isn't there a 15" case?" He looks at me as if I'm stupid and points towards the 15.4" one. I tell him, "that's huge. It does not even fit in my backpack. My laptop is a 15" MacBook. The 14" one looks big enough, do you think that could fit?" He looks back at me again as if I were definitely retarded. "Look, if your laptop is 15" the 14" one won't be good for you". So, even though I knew the thing would be like humongous for my laptop, I got the 15.4 " one. I mean, .4 didn't seem like a lot. When I got home I realized it was, in fact, TOO big. My laptop like, SWAM inside the case. So I took it this morning to PC World with my receipt and all. After a 15-minute queue I explain the situation to the costumer service bloke. The employee goes on saying that the 14" one should fit it then because they come with enough extra space. So I get the 14" one and when I get home I realize it's WAY TOO SMALL.

Yes, I must be very stupid.

I hate PCs. I hate PC World. I hate laptop cases that do not fit 15" Macbook Pros. I hate myself for buying something that does not do the trick!!!!

Aaaargh...

Cry-Pod Member Recruitment

2006-11-19T19:55:00.000Z

If anyone wants to be a contributing member and post politically incorrect, whiny, occasionally rage filled posts purely to get sympathy from everyone else then email me your email [if its not on your profile] so I can then invite/coerce/blackmail you to be a professional instead of whining like a amateur. [eg. Surly girly and Egghead, losers]

However if you DO prefer to leave long rambling pointless moany yet highly entertaining comments please do so.

Whining about watching

2006-11-19T12:26:00.000Z

I'd like to professionally whine about television.

Our television in particular.

Once upon a time we subscribed to digital and we reveled in the bounty of hundreds and hundreds upon channels. We giggled at Frazier, we laughed at Everybody loves Raymond. We oogled at House and mocked Grey's Anatomy.

Now tragically that is no more. The good days are gone. *long sigh* The ariel is taped along the entire window and our reception still only allows 1 clear channel and 4 static ones. Every time I feel particularly frustrated I had another bit of tape to the window. So far there are 16 pieces of tape holding the ariel to the window.

Another thing to whine about is the 5 channels. We pay a TV license fees of a 150 quid or so a year to get 5 measly channels and do you know what's on them????? RIGHT NOW????

"The Way We Worshipped"

"THE WAY WE WORSHIPPED??
I'M FUCKING PAYING FOR THIS TRIPE??? 150 QUID?? TO WATCH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW THEY USED TO FUCKING PRAY 50 FUCKING YEARS AGO ??? BY ZARATHUSHTRA MAY ALL THE TV LICNSE PEOPLE BE STRUCK DOWN WITH SEVERE LEGIONARIES AND A PLAGUE OF BOILS.

[I'm not sure if us Bawas actually did plagues and boils...perhaps all those theatrics were reserved for those flashy Christians types]

Isn't that the saddest thing?
I cant believe the shit I have to watch. Although it has made me develop a strange appreciation for sad programs like 'Bargain Hunt', 'Trisha', 'This Morning' and 'Loose women'

Egghead rejects the professionals & decides to remain mere amateur

2006-11-19T01:58:00.000Z

Dear Scritch,

Inasmuch as ye earnestness doth make me acquiesce, I may not accept your invitation to become a member of aprofessionalwhiner for reasons as follows:

Blogger Beta, which has decidedly taken over proprietorship of my account's management database, seems to have taken a liking to butt plugs (also known as rectal probes).

Now, I'm usually open-minded about such things, and on 'fitting' occasions I daresay even enthusiastic; yet this particular one seems to have gotten my poor little account's panties in a twist.

Consequently I may not become a member of A Professional Whiner.

But I do offer my solemn vow to redress this issue most unbecoming of Blogger, once the forementioned rectal probe has been uncorked.

Ye may holde me on me worde.

Its still so cold whine whine cry

2006-11-19T01:56:00.000Z

It pretty much says it all in the title.
I'm not sure what else I could add.

*Egghead has asked me to add the temperature.

The temperature is something that I find obscenely cold.
What it is exactly I could not say.

On a side note:

My toes are cold
My elbows are chilly
My feet are icy [but not the heel]
My hair is frilly
My lips are blue
My nose is numb
Thats all the bad poetry I've got
and now I'm done!

Scritch Speaks, for it is the truth.

2006-11-19T01:51:00.000Z

What bollocks! I refuse to pat these fat bloated women on the back just because they're mentally disabled enough to shunt out a brat.

If anything they get far too much goddamn sympathy and crap as it is. Pregnant women skate through life shitting out kid after fricking kid and get government sponsorship to boot. [I hardly see people giving heroin addicts a helping hand as they nick a tv now and then to fund their habit?]

The more I hear about how much kids will cost them in the present and future the more satisfaction it gives me.

And long may it continue

The Armchair Philosophers Rebuttle

2006-11-19T01:50:00.000Z

@surly girl - whoa whoa. i dont *hate* preggy women. au contraire, they're the epitome of the female form et al when they're not busy puking in the morning, or screaming in pain during labor. riighhhtt. all said and done, everyone wants kids, and people who might go the first 25 years of their lives bitching about it will still go and do so when the right time/guy comes along.

what i'm talking about is the sheer number of preggy *indian* women i come across. in the range of say, 10 square miles. sure, argue all about the demographics of the area - ages being in the perfect zone for childbirth, newlyweds just itching to do it, et al. but these many? why does this only happen with indian women? again, i dont mean to bitch about it, but surely the arguments above should fucking apply to the american and chinese populations too?

they have all my sympathy for what its worth, considering they brought it upon themselves in the first place. but the online derision goes hand in hand i'm afraid.

A Whine About A Whine:

2006-11-19T01:38:00.000Z

I don't know what you cunts are talking about. It seems to be en vogue to hate pregnant women; and while I can't bear the thought of childbirth [I've heard about things that they NEVER show you in clean and simple childbirths in Hollywood
movies], I always help a preggers lady when I can. Especially if she already has another little shit to take care of.

Obviously, you can argue that people bring it upon themselves; but the fact is that human beings have been tempted by many phenomena for centuries - and once we're seduced by them - we realise how silly we were to get trapped in their inextricable matrix. It happens with heroin, and opium, and cigarettes, and sex with prostitutes, and with children. Yes, pregnancies and children are vices: it feels nice to have them for a certain amount of time ["Honeyscmucks, I'm pregnant! We're going to have a BABBBY!"].

What I'm saying is, that just like drug addicts, these people need our sympathy - not our careless, unempirical, online derision.

The Armchair Philosopher

2006-11-17T22:42:00.000Z

California. The home of high tech and more importantly, sandy beaches, beautiful women and more culture anywhere west of New England. Right. This rant however, is about life in silicon valley. or the lack thereof. What! you say? No life in silicon VALLEY? you're kidding right?

Unfortunately, I'm not. Consider. As close as it is to San Francisco with its brilliant night life and cultural offerings, the valley is pretty much dead any time after 10pm on a weekday (and some weekends). I don't know what it is - a combination of the lifestyles of the people who work here, implicit laws on alcohol or plain disinterest? Most people who work here are single minded in their outlook towards life - "I have a job, a car or two and a house, coupled with a couple of kids and a wife" - yayy! end of ambition. [This is with reference to most of the Indians incidentally. NOT that I'm trying to be anti-Indian. It just is.]

Innovation seems to be an unheard of quantity too. A typical person would do anything assigned to him/her - but JUST that, and then go home to watch reruns of hindi shows on Zee TV or lip sync to Sholay. Duuh. How retarded do you have to be to NOT go enjoy a concert, a play, or something equally invigiorating? And why does EVERYONE eat at the same restaurants, shop at the same grocery stores and drive green honda civics EVEN when you can afford better?

A simple conversation with a random sampling leads me to grouse about how they know shit about anything other than bollywood movies/songs and possibly the domain of their work - and a large number, not even that. Mozart who? Emile Zola - eeh, never heard of him. Opera? Nix. Politics - except for Laloo's latest antics, nix. Even things Indian - Chanakya? Surely you mean the cinema in Delhi. Tharoor? Erm, I've heard the name.. Yes, yes, you get the picture. Great.

Speaking of pregnant women. WTF is it with the valley and them? I can't drive around without seeing atleast a couple of pregnant women walking on the sidewalks with what I can only assume are their parents. I mean, if all these people do is procreate, and they're freaking educated - I'm hardly surprised at the population boom back in India.

Wow. When I start ranting, I really do get sucked into it..

@Scritch - too long for comfort eh? :)

Surly Girl seemed to speek in greek but she whined like a pro

2006-11-15T23:22:00.000Z

I would like to whine about the subject Econometric Methods. Why does it have to be a core course in an Economics degree? Why should I have to learn about homoskedasticity and heteroskedasticity when I can barely pronounce the words? I don't care whether the data is qualitative or discrete or quantitative; and the 'Breusch-Pagan' test sounds like some sort of Church method to weed out evil non-believers, and 'Probit' sounds like a woman trying to find her G-spot. It is also really unfair of my course coordinator to expect me to pretend that I am an independent consultant and find out the exact amount of compensation residents who live within a 5km radius of a chemical spill should receive. That is Erin Brockovich's job, not mine. Further, it is silly to expect that I would attend lectures for this course when the classes in question are so boring that I would rather eat shit. To conclude, it is silly to assume that I will pass this course, seeing as though it's such a cunt

Lionel James Caspian Christopherson said...

2006-11-14T19:14:00.000Z

As a long time reader of whining, i myself have decided to embark upon the same path previously trodden by other constant whiners. For you see, my gripe is not with any one thing in particular, but more so with those that are content to sit in the shadows, complain about everything and anything they see fit, show their dismay, and then never do anything to alleviate it. For example; some people like to say " I hate the war in iraq!, its unjust!, look at me I have an opinion about something!!". But they've never done anything to try and stop it, But there are those, a courageous few, who went out there; protested, and vented their feelings publicly, and managed to end the conflict! (Well-okay, they didnt actually end the conflict, thousands were killed in cold blood and still continue to be slaughtered, but at they least they went out there and wasted a saturday protesting)
Madonna, now she's definately a shining example. When welfare services refused to allow her to adopt an African baby she didn't just sit back and whinge. No, she used her celebrity status and her vast quantities of hard cash to prize away the baby from his loving natural parents and natural surroundings. And she got what she wanted. So i suggest that you should stop whinging and whining and do something purposeful in your life other than complaining.

Its so cold whinge whinge moan sob wail

2006-11-14T16:18:00.000Z

My house is single glaaaaazed. The windows don't keep the heat in, or vice versa keep the cold out.

If anyone remembers their geography, hot air meeting cold heavier air causes condensation, which is very pretty but,

It's still COOOLD *moan*

I have to sleep with a sweater on, *whine*
[but now I cant wear jeans in bed anymore because I've decided to be stylish and only buy jeans that actually fit me instead of being 3 sizes too large, therefore instead of hanging off my non-existent ass, they are now 'ass hugging' and so I must sleep torso fully dressed but sans jeans.]

But as I was saying,

It's too cooooold. *wail*

Miscellaneous Complaints about the CSM Designers

2006-11-14T12:25:00.000Z

Scritch said...
Seriously though, these designers really bug me.
6:18 PM

Fernanda Gavito said...
forgot someting else
i HHHHHHHHHate winter
6:33 PM

Leo M said...
stop whining about how it's too cold when it's so fucking hot. fucking hell.
6:34 PM

Fernanda Gavito said...
i like this place
first of all i would like to say that i cant stand big L is way to patronizing, i know is good organizer but hellooooo... need 2 get laid
secondly, i dont care the way i spell so if any obody has any porblem please do not bother poiniting out
finally graphic designers i will take over your new space, ill make it a chat room for the illustrators.
6:40 PM

Fernanda Gavito said...
ahhhhhhhhh forgot a another member of my hateing list
the unfamous Athea
6:41 PM

Scritch said...
who ever said it was hot?? fool!!
6:42 PM

Scritch said...
poor Athier he really gets the bum rap. he hasnt even done anything lately.
L bugs me too. besides, she's always fucking right. thats the worst bit.
6:43 PM

Fernanda Gavito said...
fucking hell man im sick of getting emails from people i dont even know from our group!!!
11:22 PM

Egghead is the new cry-pod

2006-11-14T12:24:00.000Z

He said...
this place sucks.

Who the hell wants to whine in a comments page where it can't be accessed by Google?

Google should be used as a reference point for any every thing.

Whoever disagrees with this will first have to disagree with the fact that they're going to be dead quick. In which case may I refer that they go watch The Quick and the Dead and learn nothing out of it because it has no connection whatsoever to whatever it is that I have stated above.

Which leads me to the fact that Google should be the point of reference for any argument where I am at a disadvantage.

A Home for Whiners, Whingers & Moaners

2006-11-13T15:26:00.000Z

I decided a proper forum for whining was needed.

This blog is open to contributions and at some point I ought to post things. [I suppose]

But please, leave your whines below.

Be it on-

[a] How there are too many people in Bombay.

[b] The graphic designers in CSM are really annoying you and trying to run everything, goddamn annoying bastards.

[c] Pregnant Women: they're not 'glowing' they're just bloated and sweaty from all the nausea.

[d] People getting out on parole early.

[e] Prisoners getting out on parole and then taking the prison to court because they had no access to hard drugs?? What?? I mean seriously what the bleeding f**k???

[f] How its too cold.

[g] How everything is too overpriced and will probably get worse.

[h] How its still too fricking cold.

[i] Anything thing else you'd like to whinge about, feel free.